failing at frugalityIn a previous post, I wrote about how I kind of went into crazy mode when I got married. I wanted to be the perfect wife, and that included becoming “frugal” so I could save our new little family as much money as possible.

People have a lot of different motivations for being frugal. For me it was a mixture of necessity and wanting to save up for bigger purchases, but it went further than that. Mostly it was just guilt and a little bit of anxiety.  And I don’t think either of those are very good foundations for planning finances. They weren’t solid foundations for me, and I decided quickly I needed to change the way I looked at money, saving and frugality.

I don’t look down on people who penny-pinch out of necessity. I totally get that, and I also realize, by the very merit of even having this discussion, you and I are extremely blessed and fortunate.

I should make it clear, my husband and I aren’t rich. We don’t practice throwing money away, and we’re not in a position to do so anyway. We do a lot of things that save us money, but there is a fine line between being wise with money and being a crazy stressed-out nutcase, and I’ve crossed that line more than a few times.

So when the guilt fog lifted, I adopted a new mantra:

And in viewing my money like this, I learned a few truths about frugality. Maybe they’ll be helpful to you, too.

1. We are all in different situations.

We’re all in different job situations, family situations, and we all have different hopes and plans for the future, so it’s no fair comparing your bills or house note or grocery spending to anyone else’s.

Not long ago I was reading a blog by a stay-at-home mom all about different ways to save money. As I read, I began to feel guilty about all the things she was doing to save money that I was not. Then it hit me. She is a stay-at-home mom. I’m well aware that stay-at-home moms have plenty to keep them busy, but the fact that I have an office job means I’m guaranteed at least 40 hours a week less at home than she has. She’s a homemaker, so it’s okay that I’m not quite as good at homemaking as she is. Neither of us is right or wrong, we are just in different sets of circumstances right now and it’s okay for each of us to live that way.

2. We have other valubable resources

When I was stuck in obsessive, good-wife mode, I tried to coupon and DIY all the decorations for our house and cook a bunch of stuff from scratch that I could have easily bought at the store. At one point I was making my own bread crumbs. Seriously? How much do those cost? How much money was I actually saving?

In trying to save a buck (and I’m betting it was literally one dollar), I was lavishly wasting another precious resource of mine: my time. I was spending my time and patience on futile attempts to save money, and I was being wasteful with almost every other resource I had. I was stressed out, I was not as kind, and I was down on myself all the time. I’m still not certain how to be a “good wife,” but I am pretty certain that my husband (and myself) would prefer a happy, kind wife who spends time with him rather than a stressed out, snappy wife who saves one dollar making her own bread crumbs.

3. Spending is not the same as wasting

If I buy a dress at Target, never wear it, and eventually throw it away, that is waste. If I buy a dress at Target instead of making one myself (saving $20 and spending 2 hours), that is not waste. Being wasteful is bad. It should be avoided. But in our pinterest-obsessed, do-everything-yourself, never-throw-anything-away, repurpose-everything, Christian, young, female subculture, we’ve got to learn to distinguish between spending and wasting. It is a lie that spending money on something, rather than spending time on it, is wasteful. The truth is that when we weigh the options of whether to spend time or spend money, we are making complex decisions, factoring in all the different circumstances of our current situations. All that shows is we’re being wise.

4. Frugality often makes money an idol

When we read the Bible, oftentimes we assign certain verses or passages to a particular person or group of people. 1 Timothy 6:10, the verse about the love of money being the root of all kinds of evil, is always assigned to rich people. It’s a rich people verse because all of those rich people need to know that they better not get too attached to their massive wealth. But the truth is, you don’t have to have money to love money.

In trying to be thrifty, I’ve got to be careful that my motivation isn’t just to have money. Am I being wise with my money so I can be generous, debt-free and prepared for the future, or just so  I can have more wealth and possessions?

Being frugal is often seen as virtuous, and often it is, but I have to look past appearances and into my own heart and ask myself what my motivations are.

So, I’m all for frugality. I’m all for saving money. I’m all for doing whatever I need to be debt-free, prepared for the future, and generous in the present. But I’m kicking guilt out of the decision-making process, because being a “good wife” is not tied to my ability to do-it-myself. And I’m kicking anxiety out, because God has graciously provided everything I’ve needed every day of my life, and I’ve got a feeling He won’t stop now, even if I do use store-bought bread crumbs.

Erin

photo credit: britney @baretribe.blogspot.com

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Stop feeling guilty for failing at frugality

2 thoughts on “Stop feeling guilty for failing at frugality

  1. Pingback: Life & Culture | rediscovered

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